The world is full of boys and girls
I guess I’m one or other
But really I am happiest
When thinking I’m another
The boys are chasing girls and boys
The fewer clothes the better
Attracted to the triple-X –
I hate that stupid letter
The girls all talk of perfect love
It seems a bit obsessive
A feminist, I find their need
A little unprogressive
I do not understand at all
My friends’ and neighbours’ thinking
Their gossip always leaves me lost
And desperately sinking
Francis James Franklin (Alina Meridon) 
The girls all talk of perfect love
It seems a bit obsessive
A feminist, I find their need
A little unprogressive
People seem to think that a feminist perspective is to do sex the way we think of men doing it: without love and emotional connection.
I think it’s biased to think that the best sex is the way we think of men as doing it. Why are so call-called masculine ways better ways? It suggests that we simply value men and masculinity over women and femininity.
And yet about three quarters of both women and men prefer to have sex in a context of emotional connection.
Andrew Smiler Studies men and masculinity and has come to the conclusion that about one quarter of men seem to prefer nonmonogamous, But about three quarters prefer more monogamous and emotionally connected sex.
Given those high numbers, may be that is simply a very human way of having sex, even though we have labeled it as feminine.
I have wondered if the reason why women are more likely to feel that love and connection are absolutely crucial is because of the effects of sexual repression. But regardless, I don’t think anyone should have sex in a way that feels uncomfortable or inauthentic to them. That’s not feminist.
Women run the risk of pregnancy, so it’s hardly surprising there’s a biological and/or sociological (I hope that’s the right word) imperative for women to form a stable relationship prior to sexual intercourse. Chances of survival for the child are obviously higher if the father feels responsible for the care of mother and children.
If sexual attraction is the thing that makes us want to have sex with each other, even with people we don’t necessarily like at all, then romantic attraction is the thing that makes us want to pair up into bundles of emotional intimacy and interdependence, even with people we don’t necessarily like at all.
In our modern world of condoms where there should be no risks of pregnancy and STDs, the emphasis is mostly on sex for pleasure. There’s no real need for it to be in the context of a romantic relationship. What is important, however, is trust – that partners treat each other with respect and that all consent boundaries are negotiated with care.
In the context of the poem:
The narrator does not experience romantic or sexual attraction, and finds romantic and sexual behaviour quite perplexing. Most romantic narratives are profoundly unfeminist, with super-masculine heroes sweeping delicate-flower heroines off their feet. Surely it would be better for long-term relationships to be built on equality and true friendship?
“Surely it would be better for long-term relationships to be built on equality and true friendship?”
Yes, I agree.
And interestingly, men seem to be as interested as women in having equal partnerships, And in having a preference for sex within a context of love. But it seems to be less hard on men to have sex with no strings. Although some women are good with it. I suspect it’s more due to nurture the nature. Since women are so punished for that sort of thing.
‘I do not understand at all
My friends’ and neighbours’ thinking
Their gossip always leaves me lost
And desperately sinking.’
This stanza made my heart heavy. People can be ignorant and cruel. I know it’s simplistic to say, ‘Oh just ignore them’, or ‘Don’t listen to them.’ Those things are very difficult to do. In the end though, you just have to be you.
Even good people can hurt others through failing to understand that human nature is far more varied than we are able to understand.
I completely agree. You would think that in this day and age people would be more open minded to such differences.