Jacquotte Fox’s One Undead Honeymoon in Judecca, published 2011, is a short story that’s delightful for its originality. It’s Sylphie’s wedding night and Thetis has commanded that she come to the midnight ceremony raw with hunger. Sylphie has been unable to resist a last minute hunt, but soon the hunter becomes the hunted, and others too are determined to see an end to her.
I really only have one complaint about the story and that’s the first sentence. It may seem unfair to pick on one particular sentence, but this is the very first sentence, the opening into the story, the words that a prospective reader meets first. Here’s the opening paragraph:
A lesbian bar is redolent to vampire senses. It’s a Saturday night in Georgetown after final exams. The Bearded Clam seethes with soft skin, pulsing veins, and sex running free off the leash. The scent of women is a sugary haze.
For one thing, while the word ‘redolent’ is delicious, it poses an unanswered question: ‘Of what?’ For another, that first sentence is a powerful statement, one that the reader will expect to see elaborated, but instead we jump into a scene description. It would work far better as something like:
A lesbian bar is an intoxicating feast to vampire senses. Only here do the exquisite fragrances of designer perfumes mix so sensually with the raw musk of female lust.
It’s a Saturday night in Georgetown…
But that’s my only real complaint.