Interview With Two Sexy Vampires

Suzie and Cleo have agreed to an interview, so long as I keep the questions light and don’t ask about their history. We meet at Le Pain Quotidien, the girls sharing a pot of tea and watching the busy station through the glass wall.

Both girls are dressed casual in jeans and T-shirts. Suzie’s T-shirt is Iron Maiden’s disturbing Vampyr, and her almost-black hair is braided into a long ponytail, tied off with a scarlet ribbon. Cleo is wearing a Desigual T-shirt with a pretty red and black design, and her long dark hair has that unrestrained fresh-from-the-shower look.

FJF Can you give me a few emotion words to describe your day today?

Suzie Love. Happiness. Contentment.

Cleo (Rolling her eyes.) Lust. (She leans over to kiss Suzie.) Irritation.

Suzie Irritation?

Cleo It’s Emma’s birthday today. She brought cake. It looked nice.

Suzie I hate when they do that. What’s wrong with just going down the pub?

FJF What is the most powerful feeling you have had this week?

Suzie (Smiling.) Love. Happiness. Contentment.

Cleo (Aside to Suzie.) You’re such a liar. (To me.) I saw this guy in the cafeteria yesterday. Rugby player or something. Serious muscles. I couldn’t take my eyes off him. When he stood up to leave, I walked right up to him and kissed him, digging my nails into his ribs.

Suzie You should have brought him home.

Cleo Too much drama – his girlfriend was there. I didn’t stick around. I just had that intense desire to make him mine, if only for a second or two.

FJF Are there any needs (security, belonging, freedom, etc.) that you have in life that aren’t being met right now?

Cleo None. Suzie takes care of all my needs. (Laughs.) All of them.

Suzie I don’t think I will ever feel secure. But Cleo makes me feel like I belong. I’m Cleo’s bitch.

Cleo Yeah – you’re mine, bitch.

FJF What are you hoping to see happen in your career in the next ten years?

Suzie I’m really into Tango at the moment. We’re heading out to Buenos Aires next week for the Misterio festival. I’ve also started piano lessons. I’ve played a little over the years, but I’d love to be able to play at a professional level.

Cleo I’m studying Microbiology. I’m going to be a famous scientist and bring the wonders of vampirism to the whole world.

Suzie She’s just kidding.

Cleo I’m joking, yes. I wouldn’t want the competition. I haven’t decided what I want to do. Suzie’s promised to take me scuba diving, and I want to see Transylvania. And New York.

Suzie And Disneyland.

Cleo (Laughs.) No, but maybe we could go to LA and pick up celebrities.

FJF Are there any dreams in your life that are unfulfilled?

Suzie I’ve never been to Disneyland.

Cleo Will you shut up about bloody Disneyland! Next question, please.

FJF What do you want to see happen in your relationship in the next few months?

Suzie We’re pretty solid. We’ve even started planning the wedding.

Cleo A big church wedding with crosses and holy water and everything. Suzie’s going to wear red. I want to wear black.

Suzie The bridesmaids will be dressed as strippers.

Cleo Suzie’s going to pole-dance at the Reception.

(Both laugh hysterically for a few seconds, then kiss with an exaggerated enthusiasm.)

FJF What are some things you enjoy most about your sex life?

Suzie The best thing for me is that, because Cleo’s vampiric blood doesn’t have the same lure as human blood, I don’t constantly have the urge to satisfy my other hunger. Sex is purely about sex.

Cleo But you’re always biting me when you come.

Suzie Well, exactly. I’d never do that with humans watching. And I don’t drink, it’s purely a hunger to bite and taste.

Cleo It’s too bitter for me. It always takes me out of the moment when I try it.

Suzie I love when you bite me.

Cleo I know, but it’s really not my thing. What I love is when a guy’s fucking me, and if I can see when he’s about to come, then just as he peaks I bite into his jugular and his blood spurts into my mouth even as he fills me with his, er, seed.

Suzie ‘Seed’?

Cleo Whatever. It gives me one hell of an orgasm.

Suzie I prefer not to mix sex and feeding.

FJF Is there anything either of you does when you are intimate that really makes the other feel good?

Suzie It’s not a sex thing, but I adore it when Cleo holds me from behind. It makes me melt.

Cleo I love waking up mid-orgasm with Suzie tonguing my clit.

FJF Is there anything either of you would like the other to do that would make the sex even better?

Suzie Sex can be better?

Cleo I’d like you to wear a strap-on.

Suzie Seriously?

Cleo Yes. And I want you to fuck me with it while dressed in leather. Like Kate Beckinsale in Underworld.

Suzie I don’t remember her wearing a strap-on… But I do love that outfit.

FJF Is there something either of you desires sexually that you think the other can help fulfil?

Suzie I have recurring nightmares about being tied up. I panic just at the idea of being restrained.

(Suzie draws her hands to her stomach. It’s one of her rare moments of vulnerability, and for a moment she looks almost like a teenager playing at being an adult. Cleo reaches over to take Suzie’s hands in hers, and squeezes them reassuringly.)

Suzie I have this fantasy where I trust Cleo enough to let her tie me up.

Cleo Well, we’ve plenty of time to work on that.

FJF Are there any painful memories in life that you haven’t shared with each other?

Suzie Too many to count.

Cleo It’s not fair. You know all my secrets.

FJF Have either of you done or said anything lately that hurt the other, even if you didn’t mean to?

Suzie Can’t think of anything.

Cleo Me either.

FJF What are you disappointed with in life right now?

Suzie That with so much amazing technology at its fingertips, and a more open acceptance and understanding of fundamental human nature than at any time in history, humanity seems nevertheless determined to drive itself to the brink of existence.

Cleo I’m perfectly happy with my life.

FJF What are your most difficult relationships?

Suzie Any relationship with a human is difficult. If they don’t know you’re a vampire, then you’re constantly trying to explain why you’re not eating anything, or why you don’t appear to be any older than when they first met you years ago… The ones who do know, like Alia and Isabelle, and yourself, tend to obsess about the whole vampire thing. And then there’s that undercurrent of desire to sink your fangs into their necks and fill yourself with their intoxicating warmth. (The way she is looking at me leaves no doubt about her current thoughts.)

Cleo My mum keeps trying to make me eat something.

Suzie She knows, you know. She’s just trying to prove her fears wrong.

I have reached the end of the interview. I thank the girls again for this opportunity, but they’re suddenly too lost in kissing to notice me – and that’s probably a good thing.

(I have based the questions on this article – the link doesn’t work properly, sorry. I interview the girls again here: Vampire Lovers: Suzie and Cleo.)